15 Basic Marriage Principle Married couples Need to Know.

15 Basic Marriage Principles Married Couples Need to Know Overview Today's statistics on marriage are a little scary. Current studies show that 47% of all marriages end in Divorce. Numbers are no different between those who do and do not attend church. Most of the crime problems we have in the world today stem from the breakdown of the traditional values of the family. People used to get married and stay married. Kids used to have one set of parents their whole life. Today statistics show 1 in 3 children are born out of wedlock and more than half of the children in the world do not have a loving mom and dad to share their life with. Nobody goes into marriage thinking that it will end in divorce. It's like buying a new car. They all look and smell good when you take your first ride. So what's the problem? The Bible said there would be days like this. In the 1st chapter of Corinthians verse 21 Paul says: "….But those who marry will face many troubles in this life." To give us hope, in the 16th chapter of the Gospel of John verse 33, Jesus says: "I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have troubles, but take heart, I have overcome the world." Marriage is a union of two imperfect people coming together in a fallen and sinful world, both with good and bad traits, habits, sins, selfish desires…….both like sheep…gone astray and wanting to be happy. Paul says it's a formula for trouble. Jesus says even though you will have trouble, take heart because there is a solution. People study their profession for years. Engineers study between 4 to 7 years. Doctors study for 10 or more. It takes a plumber 6-10 years to perfect their trade. How many years did you study marriage before you decided to walk down the aisle? Could we have maybe hit on the solution? Most people do not know the basic principles God laid out for marriages to be successful. So what is that solution and how do we succeed? I and Pastor Jonathan and Pastor Patrick have been researching this subject for over 7 years. We all do marriage counseling along with our lovely wives of 31, 10, and 23 years and the following is a list of 15 basic principles that we think will make or break a marriage. These principles are aimed at two totally different sets of people. 1. Those who have never been married 2. Those are married and feel like the honeymoon is definitely over. In Mark chapter 4:34 there is a very interesting verse in the Bible. It says: “He (Jesus) did not say anything to them without using a parable." A parable is simply a word picture, analogy, or story that helps illustrate a principle. With this in mind I will use several analogies as I talk about the 15 principles below. 15 Principles 1. Listen to God…….the way football players listen to a coach.This is a key concept for all the other principles that follow. If you were going to be a football player, how would you prepare? You would LISTEN to the coach. You would spend time studying his instructions about what was involved in the game of football. I am amazed at how many times I ask people if they are having a daily quiet time with God and I usually get one of two answers: A. "Yes, I pray."(That's talking not listening) or B. "Yes I know I should but just don't do it all or the time." A few verses you might review: Psalm 37:4 says: "Delight yourself in the Lord and HE will give you the desires of your heart." If the desire of your heart is to have a happy marriage, perhaps you need to delight yourself in the Lord. How do you do that? Proverbs 3: 5-6 says: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean NOT to your own understanding. In ALL your ways acknowledge HIM and HE will make your paths straight." There are hundreds of verses plus an entire Psalm (119) devoted to this subject, but perhaps the most important is the verse found in John chapter 15 verse 5. We insist that the couples we council memorize this verse. John 15:5 "I am the vine, you are the branches. If a man (and woman) abides in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." Think of a grapevine (which is what he was referring to) when you read what Jesus is saying. How could a branch possibly survive if it was not a part of the vine? It could not! And yet we go our merry ways in life and marriage trying to make this relationship work without the author and King of all relationships. I spend every single morning reading God's word, thanking him for his teachings, my health, my wife, my children, etc., and then asking Him to show me how to love my wife and children as well as those He puts me in contact that day. I also ask him to order my day, as I, like you, never have enough time to do all that I have to do. I started this 10 years ago and it is the one thing I would recommend you do above all else. Actually if you get this part right, you can skip the next 14 principles as God will instruct you through this process. 2. Listen to your Spouse. You are taking your last course in college and you simply must pass to graduate. It's a big class. Where do you sit and what do you do? I would suggest that you would sit right in front of the professor and listen to him very intently, as you become a student of that subject with a goal in mind. That is the same intensity we try to train couples to use in their sharing time and we call it "Becoming a Student of your Spouse". Oneness is not automatic, but the result of shared experiences both good and bad. Think about it……How did the two of you fall in love in the first place? Didn't you share with one another for hours upon hours? For some reason we (especially men) forget this after we get married. The men usually clam up and especially do not talk about the bad things in their life and the women spend the little bit of time they can get from their husbands talking about the kids, the problems around the house. That is NOT what we are talking about here. Just like spending time with God, you also have to set a time aside in your busy day to spend quality time with each other sharing the way you feel. We have to train couples to do this in our counseling, as it does not come naturally. The verse we use is found in James chapter 1 verse 19: "Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger". It is an act of love to listen with eye to eye contact to what your spouse is sharing with you. Now that you know it, you will be blessed if you do this. One more thing…..mostly to the guys. When someone shares, do not try and tell them that they should not feel that way and do not try and tell them what to do the next time such and such happens. Just look at them, repeat what they said, and acknowledge that you understand. That's all you need to do. Sound easy? Try it. You will be amazed at how well it works if you can do it. 3. Learn How to Love Each Other Think of a fire that you start while camping. Falling in love was the spark that started your fire, but if you do not know how to continue to add fuel to your love fire it will go out just like that camp fire no matter how hot or big you get it. Most people do not really know what love is and many define love as a special feeling. True love is not a feeling but a decision to seek the welfare of the one whom is the object of your love. When the Jews asked Jesus what was the most important command was, He said it was to love God and love one another. In John 13:34 at the Last Supper He said: "A new command I give you: love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another." So love is actually a command that we receive from Jesus. He loved us unselfishly and finally gave His life for us and He says that is the way we should love one another. Not always looking to be loved, but instead we are to love one another unselfishly as He loved us. So how do we do that? You need to learn what your spouse's love languages are. There are five love languages that we talk about in our classes: Words, Actions, Time, Gifts, and Touch. Once you know which love languages works best for your spouse, you need to try and use their love languages on them and not your own which is what most of us do. Another way to show love is to serve which is our next topic. 4. Learn How to Serve Each Other in Secret Has your spouse ever served you in secret and then you found about it later? We always ask this trick question: When you serve your spouse do you serve to show them that you love them? That is what most of us do and it is the wrong motive. If you serve expecting a reward and then your spouse does not notice and you don't get a pat on the back, you usually end up getting your feelings hurt. We teach that you should serve in secret and look to Jesus for your reward and not your spouse. When we serve in this way, we are not looking for any reward from our spouse as we are just doing what we are commanded to do. In Mark10: 45 Jesus said: "Even the Son of Man did not come to be served but to serve and give His life for many". Then there is the classic example of Jesus washing the feet of the Apostles found in John 13:15 after which Jesus said: "Now that I your Lord and Teacher have washed your feet, you also should wash one another's feet." The key to serving is to understand that we are commanded to serve so that when we do serve our spouse it should not be to show THEM we love them but instead we serve in obedience to a command form God to show HIM we love them. Then HE rewards us beyond measure. Try it. Spend a week as a secret servant. 5. Leave and Cleave Think of that happy "just married" couple waving to everyone as they pull off from the wedding headed for their honeymoon. They are leaving everyone so they can cleave to one another. The problem is that many couples do not really leave for good but just for honeymoon. There are 3 places in the Bible that God gives us very clear instructions about this. In Genesis 2:24 God said: "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, and they will become one flesh" Jesus repeats the exact same thing in Matthew 19:4. We are amazed to find couples that have been married for years and have still not "left". When you say "home" and mean your parents…..you haven't left. Home is with your spouse. This is a 3-step process that must be followed in order. First you leave, then you cleave, and then you can become one flesh. When you marry your spouse you need to leave your parents, your friends, your old hobbies and habits, activities and anything that keeps you from cleaving to one another. Nothing other than God should be more important than your spouse. Balance is the key to success here. We do not teach that you should not associate or spend time with your parents or friends. It is a matter of where you place your priorities. Have you left "home" yet? 6. Role of Husband = Servant Leader/ Protector/ Provider Sometimes men do not understand what their role as a husband is. Sometimes wives do not allow their husbands to assume the role that God laid out for them. Either way the marriage suffers. Paul teaches us in his letter to the Ephesians 5:25 what the role of the husband is: "Husbands love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. In this same way husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies." Husbands are you doing that? You are responsible to protect your wife from the outside world, from impurity, from physical harm, and from anything that might damage your marriage. You are responsible to provide your wife with a safe place to live, a home that she can be comfortable in and raise a family in safety. You are responsible to work and supply the income needed for food, shelter, and clothing. You are responsible to protect your family from debt. God is holding you accountable and expects you to do what you were designed for. You have the role of a quarterback in calling the plays, but you are to listen to God the coach who ultimately calls the play. You are also responsible to make sure your wife is talking the coach as many times God likes to send plays in with the wife. 7. Role of Wife = Helper/ Team Player/ Nurturer In every single place a wife is mentioned in the Bible, she is portrayed as a "helper". In Genesis 2:18 it says: "The Lord God said it is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a HELPER suitable for him." A "helper" is one perfectly matched to make a team. Note that both players of this team are actively involved with the task at hand. Paul speaks to the wives in the same letter to the Ephesians 5:22-24: "Wives submit to your husband as to the Lord" Many women have a problem with this idea of submitting, but this is something between them and God. Husbands cannot make their wives submit, but if they love their wives the way God tells them to they should ALWAYS be looking out for the welfare of their wife and be willing to give their lives for them if necessary. Your job as a wife is to allow the man to assume his role the way God intended him to and you are to come along side as a helper. If you decide that you want to lead instead of follow you will be going against God's plan for a happy marriage. We did not write the rules. If you disagree, you will have to take that up with the one who made the rule. Please understand you are not to be a silent doormat or slave. A helper is a player just like a football game. You just can't be the quarterback. If your husband makes a decision that you feel is wrong, you are to voice your opinion but submit to his decision. This is an act of love and God will reward you for it and protect you from harm because you are being obedient. In 31 years of marriage Ruth and I have had very few situations where this ever came up. If steps 1 through 7 are being done correctly it should never be an issue. 8. Learn to Agree = Two people on the same team. It is a fact that you will have disagreements and when you do there are only 3 possible solutions. Either one of you will have to change your mind and go to the other's side, or you will both have to compromise and meet somewhere in the middle. If neither of these works, then you need to agree to take some time to pray……..Call time out in the huddle and talk to the coach. We always recommend that you read and even memorize 3 verses in Philippians chapter 2 verses 2, 3, and 4 when you are having a disagreement. Verse 2 says, “be like-minded having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose." This means to remember you are on the same team so what are you fighting each other about? Verses 3 and 4 tell you that you should: "Do NOTHING out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others." If you examine your motives, you may find that you are being selfish and wanting your own way. We teach that it is not your way and not your spouse's way, but God's way that you need to seek. If you are in disagreement, you should both ask God what HE wants you to do and "lean NOT unto your own understanding". In Amos 3:3 it says: "Can two walk together, except they be agreed?". Work hard to agree and when you disagree, stop and examine your motives. 9. Develop a Positive Response to Anger = Think of a temperature gauge on a car. What do you do when the temperature gauge shows hot? Would breaking the glass and grabbing the needle and pulling it back down work? Would we not have to stop the car and open the hood to try and determine the cause? When your spouse gets angry, be thankful for the information and work to find out what is wrong and deal with it. If anger is not dealt with, it will destroy a marriage. Anger is the #1 barrier to communication and agreement. Here are some steps to take: A. Confess your anger. In 1st John 1:9 it says: "If we confess our sins, He will forgive us and cleanse us from all unrighteousness". B. Restrain your response. In James 1:19 it says: "Be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger." C. Give up your right to be angry. In Ephesians 4:32 it says: "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another just as in Christ God forgave you." And finally D. Replace anger with love and forgiveness. If you just remove the anger and then do not replace with love and forgiveness you will just play the same record over again later. Go back and read Philippians 2: 2-4. Remember you are on the same team and you should do NOTHING from selfishness. Is your anger caused by selfishness? Pray for each other. In Luke 6:27-28 Jesus says: "Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you. Bless those who curse you, Pray for those who mistreat you." Ask forgiveness and kiss and make up……..see next step. 10. Sex and Romance We don't know what it is, but when people get married they have a tendency to get so busy that they forget to keep the romance going. They forget to keep dating one another. Men are off trying to build their career and sometimes forget their first love. Women are busy with running the house, taking care of kids and sometimes working and forget to fix up and do the things they did before they were married to win the affection of their man. Men, it is romantic to take the time and effort to plan a romantic evening just like you did when you were courting. Ladies be ready for your husband when he comes home. Both of you need to take notice and actively love each other. Sex was created by God to bring pleasure to both of you. Read Song of Solomon and 1st Corinthians 7: 1-5 to each other. Understand that God wants you to be sexual and romantic to each other. Wives do not deny sex to your husbands and cause them to sin. Keep your marriage bed pure at all costs. Remember Jesus said: "A new command I give you: love one another." He didn't say if you have time or if you feel like it. He said do it and you will be blessed. 11. Pray for Each Other…….Satan is a roaring lion seeking to destroy your marriage. You must both protect your marriage from affairs at all costs. Do not allow any private meetings with the opposite sex. Do not let yourself be drawn in to mental affairs in thought, pictures, or the Internet. No private lunches with the opposite sex. Do not make even the slightest provision for an affair. In 1st Peter 5:8 it says: "Be self controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour". The devil is cunning and will use every means at his disposal to try and break you up. It all started with Eve. The devil was cunning…..looked like no harm could be done….just a little bite. We see this all the time as a man and woman at work will just talk and try to help each other…..never planning on having an affair. You need to understand what you are dealing with and never give in to this type of temptation. The bible says that you should flee the devil…..Flee any type of encounter with the opposite sex. Think forward 15-20 years and picture yourself either alone in a retirement home or sitting on porch with the wife of your youth and 3 kids and 20 grand kids all around loving you. Is the future loneliness worth a short fling of self-indulgence? So pray for each other and hold each other accountable. Get a group of friends (same sex) to hold you accountable and pray with you. 12. Plan and make long-term goals with each other. Think of what you want 10-20 years out and start making plans now on how you are going to get where you want to be. Plan your time. There is so little of it, but if you plan to use it wisely you will be blessed. Plan your money, finances, and career (more on that below). Plan your retirement. How will you fund it? Plan your diet and exercise. What good is growing old together if you are in poor health? Plan for romance. Plan date nights and weekend trips to get away…..just the two of you. Take an entire day at least every New Year and pray about what God would have you do. Write out what He tells you and keep this in a journal so that each year you can see how He answers prayer. One of the verses we recommend you memorize is Jeremiah 33:3 which says: "Call to Me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know." Jeremiah 29:11 says: "For I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." and finally we would recommend you read the Prayer of Jabez by Bruce Wilkinson if you have not already. Pray this prayer. God wants to bless you just like you want to bless your children…..not with material things but with blessings that are eternal in nature. 13. Children = A Gift From God. The last 3 subjects are what we call "rain". Remember that fire you built back in step 3? Well "rain" falls and tries to put that fire out so you have to be aware of it and make provisions for it. Children, money and careers are just 3 of the most dominant. Anger, business, fatigue, debt, and all the things of the world in general are all what we consider "rain". Children are a gift from God and you need to understand what God expects you to do with this gift He gives you. Most people think that their goal with children is to make them happy, but God never says that. What He does say is that you are to: Love, Discipline, and Train them. The biggest child abuse of all is failing to do these 3 things and not keeping your relationship strong in lieu of trying to make your children happy. You are only going to have your children a few short years and your job during that short time is to raise up future husbands and wives that can do all the things we have been talking about. You need to start today with that goal in mind. Your children are watching you. Every principle above that we have talked about with you and your spouse also holds true as you love your children. You need to actively love them by spending time with them and using all of the love languages. You need to discipline them. Read Ephesians chapter 6 verses 1,2, and 3 to them which says: "Children obey your parents………that it may go well with you". Proverbs 12:1 says: "Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge but he who hates correction is stupid." We strongly suggest that you lovingly set guidelines and when those guidelines are not followed you discipline the child with a yardstick or "switch" in love…..not with your hand. You cannot hurt the child with something like this, but you will hurt them in later life if you do not discipline them. Proverbs 23:13 says: "Do not withhold discipline from a child. If you punish him with the rod, he will not die." Finally you are to train your children the best training is watching you. Be a good example. Think of what your children would say about you if they were telling a friend in private about their mom and dad. You will be amazed how fast the time goes by and one day they will pull out of the driveway as they pack up and "leave". Make good use of the little bit of time you have. You can play golf with the guys later. 14. Making Money an Asset to your Marriage. Again we always ask a trick question: "How many would have all your money problems solved if we could set you up to receive an extra $1000.00 tax free every month for the rest of your lives?" Most people raise their hands and say that would solve our problems. So why is it that we find the same money problems with couples who make $30,000 or $300,000? Our position is that it is not the amount of money you have that is the problem but your attitude toward money. Would you believe that almost 80% of couples argue over money and spending habits? Why is that and how could it be an asset instead of a problem? Money is just paper….gold trinkets. And yet Jesus knew it would be a problem. There are 3 times as many verses in the Bible addressing money than prayer. The Bible teaches that we should learn to be content with what God gives us and understands that He is in control and will supply all of our needs. We should trust in Him and not money. Read what Jesus says in Matthew chapter 6 verses 19-34. He tells us not to worry about what we will eat or drink and not to worry about storing up treasures on earth. In Luke 12:15 Jesus warns us of greed: "Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; a man's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions." In Hebrews chapter 13 verse 5 it says: "Keep your lives free from the love of money and learn to be content with what you have for God has said never will I leave you never will I forsake you." Money arguments are caused because you both come into marriage with different attitudes about how much money you should save, spend and give away. That is all that you can do with it. What you need to do is spend time talking about your attitudes toward money and why you feel that way. The goal is to come to a plan on how much you will save, spend, and give away together. This does not come automatically, but requires time and talk and prayer. The key is to not demand your way, but seek God's way. Make a plan to spend less than what you make over a long period of time. Avoid debt at all costs. Debt is the tool Satan uses to play on your selfishness and then cause problems in your marriage. Do not give him a foothold. If you are in debt, seek guidance from an older couple that has been there before. This is a big topic and if you are having money problems, we recommend Christian counseling. Contact someone at your church. 15. Careers….What do you want to do when you grow up? Why do we talk about this in a marriage class? Because you need to know how to deal with it as Sataan can use it as a tool to break up marriages. You need to understand the dangers of: Greed, Power, Pride, Unfaithfulness, and women being under another's authority. No, we do not recommend women have a career outside the home. We find nothing in the Bible that recommends that and it just started 100 years ago. Guess when the divorce rate started going up. Reports and surveys show as many as 80% of people around the world are discontent with their careers. What's the problem? Either they are not content where God has placed them or they are just OK with it but want to do something else. The secret is to seek Gods will and not yours. Read the story of Joseph in Genesis chapters 37 - 47. He went from slave to prisoner to house boy to king's assistant, but worked as unto the Lord in whatever position God put him in and God blessed him. Again this is something the two of you need to discuss and plan. If you are unhappy with your career, try and determine what about it is making you unhappy. Is it selfish ambition? Pride? Money? People? Go back through the planning principle and seek God's will together. Seek Godly council from the church and an older couple. The key to happiness is not to seek happiness but seek God's will. When you find yourself in the center of His will, He will bless you with happiness and the desires of your heart. I will end with a section from James chapter 1 verses 22-25 that says: "Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says……….and you will be blessed."

OVERCOMING TEMPTATION THAT CAN DESTROY A MARRIAGE

Overcoming temptations that can destroy a marriage. Marriage is being attacked right and left by the devil with his lies. Many couples seem to have fallen prey to his schemes by believing whatever lies he tells them. For the marriage institution to stand married couple must do one thing and that is waking up and fight him. James 4:7 King James Version (KJV) 7 Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. If married couples can resist the devil, it will hard for the marriage to break. In our work with couples we see a fairly equal number of men and women who yield to temptation and throw their marriage and all that they once held dear in jeopardy. We are no strangers to the perils of yielding to temptation or its consequences. That’s why we work so diligently to urge you not to take your marriage for granted, but to proactively BUILD your marriage. One of the key motivators that make temptation of any kind so appealing is a sense of entitlement. Satan used this tactic in the Garden of Eden with Eve when he appealed to her “right” to eat the fruit that God denied. “God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” (Genesis 3:5) He implied that she was entitled to know good and evil and God was holding out on her. Satan used the same appeal with Jesus. “IF you are the Son of God, tell this stone to become bread.” (Luke 4:3) In other words, Jesus was entitled to have bread and enjoy it after forty days of not eating anything. The devil isn’t creative in his approach. He does the same with us today. • “Your spouse has been holding out on you. You’re entitled to some porn—you need the sexual release. At least you aren't with someone else.” • “Your spouse hasn’t been loving or kind, have they? They’re always angry. You deserve to be in a casual relationship where you can be affirmed and hugged.” • “Your loneliness is going to suffocate you. Having a close friend of the opposite sex will help you endure your marriage.” • “Your spouse doesn’t even know you or understand you. You need someone who is really a soul-mate.” Men and women, these are all lies from the enemy. He wants to divert you from God’s plan by holding out an appealing deception. His desire is to destroy your marriage and neutralize your effectiveness for Christ—as well as your legacy you are building for your children. Think of it this way: if Satan is working to draw you away from your spouse, then you need to fight all the harder to draw NEAR to your spouse and to Jesus. If you have been yielding to temptation, don’t rationalize or try to figure out a “good timing” to stop, there isn’t one. Stop now. End the porn/relationship/flirting immediately and leave the other person in God’s hands. You belong to Jesus and your spouse only. When the temptation comes roaring back into your mind, maybe all you can do is say the name of Jesus out loud over and over until there is release and victory. God’s promise is true: “Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.” As you do, you will experience God’s peace and blessing in your life and you will be taking proactive steps to build Your Marriage. Let us not succumb to Stan’s lies but always be alert to his tricks.

Marriage Principles That Make A Happy Marriage.

Marriage principles that make a happy Marriage. As the world is against the marriage institution, I thought it fit to talk about some of the principle that can make our marriage happy. Most of the time we see spouses finger pointing at each other but it take both couples to fail a marriage. Let us study together a few principles from the word of God about how we can live to enjoy our marriage for life. After God created everything, He noticed that one thing was not right. He saw that the man He created {Adam} was always not happy. So God in His great knowledge came up with a great idea, which was Marriage. Like a manufacturer, God also made a manual for what he has made marriage. Let us look at a few of the marriage principles in the word of God. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24, Matthew 19:5, Ephesians 5:31) Do not allow relationships with parents to become too important. A common problem is to “complain” to a parent when we are not happy with a spouse. Some parents are always hearing negative things about their son-in-law or daughter-in-law. These kinds of things can accumulate in the hearts of parents and create resentment toward their child’s spouse. Other spouses go to their parents every time there is a problem to be solved. While it is true that parents can offer great wisdom, our first strategy should always be to pray things through and talk things over thoroughly with our spouse. Then, with his/her agreement, we may wish to discuss things with our parents. Obviously, we should do everything we can to strengthen the relationship between our parents and our spouse. These passages point out the extremely important Biblical principle that a married couple are not really "two," they are "one." When we see ourselves as a unit instead of two individuals, we will be able to experience the joy and excitement that God means marriage to be. Conflicts in marriage are inevitable. We are all still battling "the world, the flesh, and the devil." But when conflicts arise they should serve to remind us that, for the moment, we have ceased to realize we are one! When we realize that we are one, we will put everything we have into pleasing each other, encouraging each other, helping each other, standing by each other, and, in general, simply loving each other. We have one purpose. We have one goal. We have one life together. We are one. “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness?” (2 Corinthians 6:14) Both husband and wife must be Christians. This verse is the reason we strongly discourage even dating between believers and unbelievers. Once the dating process has started, it is too easy for our emotions to overwhelm our wisdom and strength and lead us to a bad decision. If a man or woman is unwilling to trust Christ before getting into a serious emotional relationship with a Christian, he or she will be unlikely to trust Christ after the relationship has gotten serious. Most young people have a difficult time understanding how difficult it is to have a strong marriage or how difficult it is to agree on what’s best for children later on in the marriage when one of the spouses is a non-Christian. “Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.” (Ephesians 5:22-24) A marriage can only thrive when the wife defers to the husband. A selfish, self-centered, demanding wife can destroy a marriage. But notice that the husband is NOT given the responsibility to try to MAKE his wife submit! It is between her and the Lord. Ideally, the husband will be so loving and obviously dedicated to his wife’s well being that she will find it a joy to defer to him. Certainly, even if the husband has lots of spiritual growing to do, he is more likely to experience that growth when his wife maintains a submissive spirit. Normally, a husband and wife can come to agreement by graciously and honestly discussing their differences. In those rare times when an impasse is reached, the wife should make it her determination to defer to her husband. A wife who rejects this principle is in danger of destroying her marriage. An angry, selfish, demanding, rebellious wife can result in the death of a marriage even without legal divorce papers. “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church,” (Ephesians 5: 25-29) A selfish, self-centered, demanding husband can also destroy a marriage. When a husband convinces his wife that he loves her with an unconditional, selfless kind of love, it makes it very easy for her to defer to his leadership. Jesus sacrificed Himself for His bride, the church. Husbands are to love their wives with that same kind of self-sacrificial love. This means more than just being willing to die for our wives. It means sacrificing things, day-by-day, that we might prefer to do but that would not be in the best interest of our wives. Of course, just because a husband loves his wife, doesn’t guarantee that his wife will always quickly reciprocate. Remember the analogy of Christ and the church. Jesus is always loving. But sometimes those whom He loves do not respond with a submissive deference to Him like we should. He just keeps on loving us. “In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.” (1 Peter 3:1-2) Men are rarely persuaded to do anything with a good attitude when they feel “nagged” into it. Wives should be sensitive to those times when “discussion” begins to sound like “nagging” from the husband’s perspective. Most men will quickly “crumble” and desperately try to please his wife when she behaves in a gracious, submissive, and wise fashion! “Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands; just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear.” (1 Peter 3:3-6) Most husbands appreciate wives who take care of their appearance and look their best. Most also appreciate wives who dress modestly and not in ways that tend to “entice” other men. But, as this passage points out, the kind of woman his wife is in her heart—that “gentle and quiet spirit”—is far more “precious in the sight of God” as well as in the sight of her husband. “You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.” (1 Peter 3:7) As husbands, we need to get all the knowledge and understanding we can of our wives. This would include studying carefully what others have learned about the natures and differences between men and women and how those differences affect our marriages. Husbands must realize that wives are more easily hurt—and make decisions in light of that understanding. When we do realize that we have said or done something that has hurt our wives, we must be humble enough to admit our wrong and ask for forgiveness. Husbands must learn to “honor” their wives. Each husband can discuss with his wife the kinds of things he might do to help her feel honored. It’s also interesting that God warns us here that He is so serious about our being wise husbands, that if we ignore Him at this point, it will definitely mess up our fellowship with Him! At that point, God is saying, in effect, “First, you go do everything in your power to get things right with your wife. Then you come and talk with Me!” “The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.” (1 Corinthians 7:4) This verse implies that both spouses must discuss and agree with each other about sexual issues. She belongs to him. BUT he belongs to her! The husband and wife must see this as an opportunity to understand each other, learn to be giving and generous to each other, and learn to be patient with each other. If one spouse (either one!) behaves selfishly in this area, there will be massive problems in the marriage. We recommend that you find a good Christian book that goes into detail about the sexual issues in marriage and read and discuss it together. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6) “’For I hate divorce,’ says the Lord” (Malachi 2:15-16) Some people argue that divorce is not real or possible. But it certainly is real and possible. Otherwise God would have not told us not to do it! He would have said, “Man CANNOT separate” instead of “let no man separate.” It takes TWO people, with the grace and help of God, to make a marriage succeed. It only takes ONE person to destroy it. Of course, many marriages end in divorce because one spouse (often both spouses) begins to behave with such intense selfishness and self-centeredness that he or she emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and perhaps even physically “leaves” his or her spouse, destroying the covenant. But God has built us in such as way that divorce is always far more painful than we can imagine. Two people who had once become one, are now being ripped apart. Of course, it is not just the obtaining of legal papers of divorcement that rips them apart; it is the sin that has been tearing apart the marriage—sometimes for years—on the part of one, or perhaps both, of the spouses. But the point is that since God hates divorce, and since divorce causes so much pain to so many people, a couple must commit to doing everything in their power to make sure it doesn’t happen. One person cannot do it alone. This is far more than just saying, “No matter what, we won’t get a divorce.” It means living in such a way and behaving in such a way with each other that divorce becomes unthinkable! Sadly, many couples experience “divorce” even though they remain legally married. And remember, it is not enough for one spouse to commit to make the marriage work. It takes two—with the Lord at the center. Preventing divorce is far more than a commitment not to do it. It is the result of a godly husband and a godly wife living with each other day in and day out according to the wisdom and commands of the Lord.

THINKING OF EASTER MESSAGE

Friends, I request that after celebrating Easter you stop to think of the events that took place that day. Think of the women who came early at his grave in comparison with the account on the road to Emmaus. Luke 24:1-7 King James Version (KJV) 24 Now upon the first day of the week, very early in the morning, they came unto the sepulchre, bringing the spices which they had prepared, and certain others with them. 2 And they found the stone rolled away from the sepulchre. 3 And they entered in, and found not the body of the Lord Jesus. 4 And it came to pass, as they were much perplexed thereabout, behold, two men stood by them in shining garments: 5 And as they were afraid, and bowed down their faces to the earth, they said unto them, Why seek ye the living among the dead? 6 He is not here, but is risen: remember how he spake unto you when he was yet in Galilee, 7 Saying, The Son of man must be delivered into the hands of sinful men, and be crucified, and the third day rise again. Most of us Christians are always hearing the word of God but most of the times we don’t perceive it and when certain situations arise we act like we have never heard the word of God. See the affection and respect the women showed to Christ, after he was dead and buried. Observe their surprise when they found the stone rolled away, and the grave empty. Christians often perplex themselves about that with which they should be comfort and encourage themselves. They look rather to find their Master in his grave-clothes, than angels in their shining garments. The angels assure them that he is risen from the dead; is risen by his own power. These angels from heaven did not bring any new gospel, but reminded the women of Christ's words, and teach them how to apply them. Luke 24:13-27 {KJV} 13 And, behold, two of them went that same day to a village called Emmaus, which was from Jerusalem about threescore furlongs. 14 And they talked together of all these things which had happened. 15 And it came to pass, that, while they communed together and reasoned, Jesus himself drew near, and went with them. 16 But their eyes were holden that they should not know him. 17 And he said unto them, What manner of communications are these that ye have one to another, as ye walk, and are sad? 18 And the one of them, whose name was Cleopas, answering said unto him, Art thou only a stranger in Jerusalem, and hast not known the things which are come to pass there in these days? 19 And he said unto them, What things? And they said unto him, Concerning Jesus of Nazareth, which was a prophet mighty in deed and word before God and all the people: 20 And how the chief priests and our rulers delivered him to be condemned to death, and have crucified him. 21 But we trusted that it had been he which should have redeemed Israel: and beside all this, to day is the third day since these things were done. 22 Yea, and certain women also of our company made us astonished, which were early at the sepulchre; 23 And when they found not his body, they came, saying, that they had also seen a vision of angels, which said that he was alive. 24 And certain of them which were with us went to the sepulchre, and found it even so as the women had said: but him they saw not. 25 Then he said unto them, O fools, and slow of heart to believe all that the prophets have spoken: 26 Ought not Christ to have suffered these things, and to enter into his glory? 27 And beginning at Moses and all the prophets, he expounded unto them in all the scriptures the things concerning himself. We may wonder that these disciples, who believed Jesus to be the Son of God and the true Messiah, who had been so often told that he must die, and rise again, and then enter into his glory, who had seen him more than once raise the dead, yet should be so backward to believe his raising himself. But all our mistakes in our faith spring from ignorance or forgetfulness of the words Christ has spoken. There are many things puzzling and perplexing to us, which would be plain and profitable, if we rightly understood the words of Christ. May the Lord bless you as you take time to reflect on the event which took place on the day of resurrection in relationship to our faith. I wish you the best, Your brother in the Lord, Moses.

Christ Centered Marriage

Christ Centered Marriage Christ Centered Marriage. The tragedy that is sweeping the world today is the breakdown of the home. School shootings, teenage out of wedlock pregnancy, drug abuse, abortion, an ever increasing divorce rate, etc., are but symptoms of this breakdown. The one remedy for this unhappy situation is a Christ centered marriage. A Christ-centered marriage is united in Christ. The Christ-centered marriage is one where both husband and wife are united in Christ. A home that is religiously divided will have difficulties. Often there is a tendency for one to compromise Biblical teaching in order to keep peace in the family. The question of what to teach the children becomes a serious problem. Where will the emphasis be in regard to recreation, giving to the Lord's Cause, and involvement in church activities. With which parent will children attend worship services? These are but a few of the problems faced by a religiously divided home. The Corinthian brethren had problems because of religiously mixed marriages. However, both Paul and Peter make it clear that a Christian married to a non-Christian is not a sinful relationship (1 Cor. 7:12-14; 1 Pet. 3:1-6). Yet, keep in mind Jesus' teaching: "A house divided against itself shall not stand" (Matt. 12:25). Jesus also said, "But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you" (Matt. 6:33). In view of these considerations, it is always best for a Christian to marry a Christian! A Christ-centered marriage is based on commitment. Jesus' teaching on marriage went back to the "beginning." He said, "For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh" (Matt. 19:4-9, cf. Gen. 2:24). The word "cleave" means "to adhere to" or literally, "to be glued" to one another. This "glue" is commitment! There is no problem in marriage too great to overcome if two people are truly committed to each other. A Christ-centered marriage is founded on fidelity. The inspired apostle emphasized the importance of fidelity in marriage saying, "Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband" (1 Cor. 7:2). Sexual relations outside of marriage is termed "immorality" (NKJV) or "fornication" (ASV) Fidelity in marriage brings happiness to the family. The Wise man instructed, "Drink water from your own cistern, And running water from your own well. Should your fountains be dispersed abroad, Streams of water in the streets? Let them be only your own, And not for strangers with you. Let your fountain be blessed, And rejoice with the wife of your youth" (Prov. 5:18). Be assured, Solomon is not talking about the plumbing system in Jerusalem! He is teaching his son the importance of fidelity in marriage. Such faithfulness causes married people to "rejoice." A Christ-centered marriage displays mutual love and respect. Jesus taught and demonstrated love. He said, "This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you" (John 15:12). The apostle Paul taught, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for it" (Eph. 5:25). He instructed Timothy saying, "Train the young women to love their husbands, to love their children" (Titus 2:4). The kind of love Paul is speaking of is not the perverted, worldly type displayed on the Silver Screen. It is a love demonstrated in both word and deed. It is demonstrated when both husband and wife speak to each other in a kind and courteous manner. This kind of love is demonstrated when words of appreciation and affection are exchanged by husband and wife. It is demonstrated when marriage partners are sensitive and attentive to each other's needs. Little deed of thoughtful kindness and consideration from day to day strengthen the bonds of love. A Christ-centered marriage is one that is built on the life and teaching of Jesus. These are but a few of the fundamentals. While we live in a wicked world where the home is under constant attack, Christ furnishes us with ample instruction so that we might overcome the onslaught of Satan. May we study his word diligently and follow it in order to have a Christ-centered

The Way To A Happy Family

Do you what to have a good family full of love, joy and peace? Start reading, obeying and trusting the word of God, for this is the foundation of a happy family. Remember a good family life is a reward for following and trusting the Lord. Psalm 128:1, 3-4 New King James Version (NKJV) 128 Blessed is everyone who fears the Lord, Who walks in His ways. Your wife shall be like a fruitful vine In the very heart of your house, Your children like olive plants All around your table. 4 Behold, thus shall the man be blessed Who fears the Lord.

TRUE LOVE IS FROM GOD

TRUE LOVE IS FROM GOD. There is no word more frequently repeated in modern speech and song than the word love. But overuse has made the meaning of the word wear thin. To give back to the word love its proper depth, we must raise our thoughts to God, from whom love comes. 1 John 4:7-8 New Living Translation (NLT) 7 Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God. 8 But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love. The only possible explanation is that, whether we realize it or not, all human love is really a longing for God. Only God can give that timeless happiness, that perfect satisfaction, that unchanging lovableness, that unfailing faithfulness which men and women are seeking in one another's love, but cannot fully find there. Both the joys and the sorrows of human love show that we are made for divine love It follows that, if human love is to begin to satisfy the heart of man, it must imitate God's love as closely as possible. To be like God's love for us, the love of man for woman must be faithful, unchanging, dependable unto death, must be patient, unwearyingly, forgiving. I wish you the best as you love each other unconditionally.